Abayas in Saudi: Modesty vs. Control

This is a difficult topic for me to write about. An "abaya" is the long, black "choir robe" that women are required by Muslim law to wear in public here in Saudi. I've reserved judgment and public comment about this for over a year now, but I had a revelation the other day that I just had to share. It's been nagging at me ever since, and if I don't share this observation, I feel that it will make me very bitter over time.



Before I go much further, know that I am not judging the religious beliefs of the people with whom we live. I am not an expert on Muslim custom, history or law. These observations are made by an American, Christian woman, with the intent to enlighten others on my personal experiences here.

To fully understand my comments, make sure to note that this is NOT America - there is no Bill of Rights, there was no suffrage movement, and women are not equal to men in many ways. That is just the fact, regardless of my opinion or judgment of whether it is "right" or not.

This lack of basic rights for women is one of many things in this culture that goes against my American, democracy-is-awesome way of life. Rampant discrimination and racism is not only common and accepted but abused for personal gain. It is standard practice that your wage and pay scale are determined by your nationality, not qualifications or experience. Your promotions depend on your family name - if you have the "right" one, you get to move up, regardless of whether you are the best candidate. And your Muslim religious affiliation (Shia or Sunni) is public knowledge and fair game for discrimination. And all the things I just mentioned - those happen to men. You can imagine what happens to women in those situations.

Nevertheless, I digress. I'm not here to write about all the cultural quirks that I find difficult to accept. My main purpose of this post is to discuss the issue of the abaya - the "modest" covering that even most Western women wear in public here.

The initial reasoning for the abaya is understandable - to be modest in public and keep prying eyes from viewing a woman's body and thinking unclean thoughts. Basically to keep women from tempting men.  Recently in the Beth Moore "Daniel" bible study that I'm part of, Beth discussed dressing in a modest way - not as a punishment, and not without being "cute" - but so that we don't cause others to think negative things about us. In other words, so we don't let our "vessels" cause others to fall in their faith.

It amazed me the similarity I found between Beth's message and the argument made for the abaya here in Saudi. The first time back to the States after nine months of living in this Muslim world, I did feel rather scandalous going out in public wearing shorts and a sleeveless top!

Many people ask me, "Does it bother you to have to cover up all the time there?" At first my answer was that I didn't mind wearing it if it helped me blend in. When you are a minority in a foreign land, sometimes being inconspicuous is to your advantage, especially from a security standpoint.

However, my viewpoint has shifted just a little since being here for a while. Dressing modestly is a cultural norm here, much like it used to be that way in the States back in my grandmother's time. Women back then wore skirts and hose and covered their cleavage, not because of a law, but because it was modest and acceptable. Wearing skin tight clothes or revealing necklines drew the wrong kind of attention and the wrong kind of reputation.

Here in Saudi, the long flowing abaya is also a cultural tradition - even the men where traditional "thobes" which look very much like long white robes. The colors may be different, and the type of garment, but it's not so different than when men were expected to wear suits and hats and women skirts and pantyhose.

So my basic feeling toward a normal abaya (one that just covers my body) is that I don't mind the modesty. It's slightly refreshing compared to the normal US culture that is so focused on how we look and dress.

However - and this is big - this is the reason for the entire post - there is a line that is crossed here that moves the abaya out of the "modesty" column and into the "form of control" column. At a stop light on my way home from school, I looked into the car next to me. There was a man driving, wearing a Hollister short-sleeved t-shirt and jeans. He was wearing a pair of expensive sunglasses and had on a very nice watch. Next to him in the passenger seat was a black ghost of a women. I don't mean I saw an apparition - I mean the woman was dressed like a black ghost. Every inch of skin was covered including her eyes and hands.

Now this was not the first time I've seen this in Saudi. It's actually fairly common. But something about seeing this brought back something that I'd seen in a TV show. I watch a lot of crime drama and psychological thrillers. I find them fascinating - I claim it's because of the years watching murder mysteries with my mom as she ironed clothes in our tiny apartment in south Florida.

In many of these shows, there is always a killer who covers the face of his victims, and the cops or behavioral analysts always claim the same thing - that the killer was trying to "dehumanize" his victim so that he could detach himself from what he was doing to them.

DEHUMANIZE

That is the word that popped into my head as I watched the couple at the light peel out and speed away.

There is a difference between requiring women to be modest and dehumanizing them as a means of control. No wonder there are so many men in this country who don't think women should have the same rights as them. They treat them as property to be controlled, to be leashed, to be used.

Is that putting it harshly? Very. Are there Muslim men who treat there wives with love and compassion? Of course, a large number of them. Have they consistently demoralized the place of women within this society to a point that men are not shamed for dehumanizing their wives? Absolutely.

Many people ask me, "What is the hardest thing about living in Saudi?" And I could explain about the five-times-a-day prayer times, not being able to drive myself anywhere, or the long plane trips home. But over time, I have learned that the hardest thing is to live among people who do not understand the values that I have, and I do not understand theirs.

If I take it one step further - and this is also coming straight from Beth - the next hardest step is to show these people the love of Christ through my actions every day (since traditional witness would be a crime here) and not let this culture wear me down and take away my hope for humanity. I don't know if there is anything harder I can do than to try to show Christ's love to that man and woman in that car, even though I am opposed to their lifestyle. I suppose that is the toughest challenge that God calls us to do, regardless of the country or culture that we are in.

Notes: Photos originally posted on these blogs- they offer some good viewpoints on the same topic.

Omaima Al Najjir - A Saudi Woman Speaks Out: The first time I wore an abaya

EchoPiction: Life in Black: Why do women wear the Abaya?