Here in Saudi, men and women who are unrelated do not mix together in company. So an "evening visit" to their home meant that the men would visit and spend time in an outer visitor building (what I will call the "man cave" for all intents and purposes) while the women and younger children spent the evening inside.
Now remember - this is Dan and Chad's colleague at the plant - neither Susanne nor I have met him, let alone his wife. Our husbands, have also not met his wife. But Susanne and I were going to be spending and evening with her by ourselves. This is a pretty strange predicament when you are used to American traditions where couples remain together for ease of conversation and getting to know one another.
When we arrived around 3 PM, we were greeted by Muhammed and his oldest son Abdullah (no shaking our hands of course), who were quick to point out that the women should enter the main house. No effort was made to escort us - they simply pointed up the steps to the open door. It may not sound too strange, but it is a very awkward feeling just waltzing right into a stranger's house! Of course, Fatwah (Muhammed's wife) was waiting to greet us just around the corner, but she could not come out to greet us at the door because of our husbands outside.
As strange as this beginning was, I was pleasantly surprised with she greeted us with a smile and handshake wearing a simple top and jeans. Boy, did we feel over-dressed in our abayas! She ushered us into her foyer where she took our abayas, and then into a main sitting area with platters of little cookies and chocolates all laid out.
Let me now just say that we did not know what to expect from the evening - there was not firm plans made regarding dinner or any kind of food. Good thing we didn't eat before we went! For the first two hours (yes... two hours) we sat and talked in the sitting area, drinking arabic coffee (a "blonde" coffee with a strong green cardamom flavor) and eating the cookies and chocolates offered to us by Fatwah and her daughters. Being the first time at a Saudi's house, I had no idea if I could politely refuse or not! It is worthwhile to note that the kids had a pretty good time - they went off to play PlayStation 3 once they'd gorged themselves on chocolates!
Meanwhile, the men have actually left us and driven out to the desert to ride ATVs through the dunes and have a BBQ dinner. Naturally, the women are not included in these activities. I've added some photos to the end of the desert evening. We did not take any pictures inside the house for fear of offending Fatwah.
After the first couple hours of arabic coffee and treats, we were thoroughly surprised when Fatwah moved us into the dining room where an entire spread of food was waiting for us! We were already so full! But again, we didn't know how to refuse! So we then stuffed ourselves again with tabbouleh (the best I've ever had), stuffed grape leaves, steamed vegetables, a delicious black eyed pea dish (I had three helpings of it!) and a Saudi "mac and cheese" with some kind of fantastic spiced beef inside. If that weren't enough - she then pulled out a chocolate cake that could have fed a dozen people!
Once we were sufficiently overstuffed, we rolled ourselves back to the sitting room for tea and mint. We chatted about Fatwah's family in Syria and how they were not going to be able to visit this year due to the unrest in the region. When I asked if her family is safe, she responded, "Some days yes, some days no." She explained how the government shut off Facebook and Skype, so she can only contact her family through email now - which is very hard for her. She laughed as she told us that her sister sent her Facebook login information so that Fatwah could take care of her Farmville animals, lol. It is evidently a fun way her family stays connected - or was before it was shut down.
Throughout the evening, she helped Susanne and I understand and work on our Arabic. I learned several new words and actually started an "Arabic Vocabulary" not eon my iPhone to help me remember things! Most interestingly, she informed us that Arabic has masculine and feminine words, very similar to Spanish. She laughed a few times when we'd repeat a phrase we'd learned from our husbands (who learned it from men) and then tell us, "Your husband can say that, but you are women, so you say this, otherwise people thing you're men!" She was very funny and endearing and endured all my silly language questions. I don't think I've ever said, "What does that mean?" so many times to one person!
At about 7 PM, we went outside to their "game room" and watched the children play. Imagine a large pool-house-like structure with one side glass, an A-line roof, and faux-wood floors. Inside it they had a pool table, air hockey table, and an above-ground pool! She proudly showed me that is it also air-conditioned, so they can use the pool in the summer!
We had one more round of Turkish coffee, then watched the children play the game "The Path." Imagine a Muslim version of the Game of Life. It was a lot of fun watching the kids communicate even though they weren't fully fluent in the other's language. Side note: I fully intend on purchasing my own copy of The Path for future reference and memories!
We finally said our goodbyes around 9 PM! When I went to say good-bye to Fatwah, she kissed me on one cheek, then the other, then hugged me tightly, then kissed me one last time - that was a lot of kissing! According to Dan, it is an honor so I will take it that way.
While it was an exhausting night, and I drank enough Turkish coffee to keep me up for days (as evident of me writing this post at 12:30 AM), it was such a lovely experience. Very strange in some ways - being separated all evening from our spouses, not knowing the customary gestures of politeness - but enlightening in others.
And while it was strange for me, it was strange for Dan as well. As we were looking through his pictures from the desert, I casually said, "Oh, Abdullah looks very much like his mom." Dan was surprised at this, and then I realized - he has never met her, and even if he did, he'd never know what she looks like! Fascinating culture indeed...
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