The Expat Wife Life: The Saudi Blues

Living abroad is mostly about attitude. I've talked about this in many of my posts. I'm a generally happy person, so I don't have a terribly hard time looking on the bright side of the experiences here and finding a way to learn and grow from them.

Today was not one of those days.

Today was a day where I was almost crying from the frustration associated with living here and not being in the US where this situation would not have ever happened. Today was a day when my emotions outweighed my cheery disposition. Granted, I did forget to drink my coffee this morning, so that probably also contributed to my grumpiness before any outside factors acted against me.

Here in Saudi, there will be days like this. We all have different ways of dealing with them. Don't believe me? Here is a wonderful blog post another wife shared today from a woman with a great sense of honesty and a dry sense of humor: I Hate Everyone's Guts Right Now (Her blog is named "4 Kids, 20 Suitcases & a Beagle" - yeah, I get that).

So what triggered my Saudi Blues this time? A trip to the grocery store. A mundane task if there ever was one, and yet it cast a cloud of gloom over me and my attitude like a wet blanket.

Here is my shopping list, with the items I found today crossed off:

As you can see, it was not very long. I quit actually making detailed shopping lists over a year ago when I finally realized that it's generally a waste of time since you never know what will be in stock here. However, I felt like my list this time around was basic enough that I could find it all. And I had forgotten my coffee so a list was the only way I would make it in one trip. If you need further proof of the inconsistency in grocery availability, check out my item "salad stuff" - this basically means "buy whatever actually looks go and is in stock to make salads this week." Onions were out, and so was any lettuce other than iceburg. The tomatos where also sketchy, so I passed.

Anyhow - notice the items that I couldn't find:

• Canned chicken stock
• Applesauce (preferrably in the little pouches, Luke loves that stuff)
• Quinoa
• Spreadable butter (last time I bough Country Crock!)
• Plain white vinegar (the big jug - I use it for cleaning solutions and stuff)

Seriously?! The bigger frustration - nearly all these items where available as recently as a month ago!

So I ended up leaving the store frustrated and down on Saudi. I'm sure my reaction was fueled by the fact that my best friend here in Saudi is moving back home a week from Friday, and I just received news of another departure coming in the next couple months. I'm so happy for my friends, their families and the opportunities that they are getting. But they have been my sisters - my family - here in Saudi for nearly four years, and I'm not ready to let them go. Knowing I don't have a choice makes it that much more a bitter pill to swallow.

I considered skipping my morning commitment to join a group of ladies doing the Beth Moore "Stepping Up" Bible study. But knowing that the Saudi Blues are not cured in isolation, I dragged myself out of the house and into a room of sympathetic women. A hearty dose of advice, Beth's peppy attitude, and some Bible study left me feeling better.

I'm still a little down, but I'm not cursing my situation like I did on the way home from the store this morning. I signed up for this and have lived it for nearly four years. It's nothing new. But at times it is tedious, and exhausting, and frustrating.

This is the other side of expat life. Much of it really is wonderful, but with that comes these moments that remind you that you are living away from your homeland, and sometimes that just brings you down. It doesn't make you a bad spouse or bad expat for feeling that way - we all go through it.

**I want to also note that I'm fully aware that we are extremely lucky and blessed with they type of expat assignment that we are enjoying. We are being well taken care of on a daily basis by my husband's company and are spared much of the headache that makes many expat assignments daunting and difficult. However, just because we have reliable electricity and plumbing and enjoy a very nice compound, does not make my experiences any less poignant in my life. In fact, I am humbled by the stories I have heard from women who have endured much more difficult assignments - they have a grit and endurance of spirit I can only hope to have some day. I write my posts with the full knowledge that they can sound petty and silly, but they are honest. This is just me, sharing what I go through. So please be kind in your comments - these posts are meant to help.